Wednesday, November 7, 2012


Time for another look in the Beijing shops to see what's making it big this autumn.

As usual, beauty products are all the rage, especially around the nose region. Selling blackhead removing products is always a bit tricky for marketeers. Of course the key is to make everything look and sound as attractive as possible ...

"Now hold still and just try to look as
alluring as you can."
To be fair, this one was meant for the
Russian market. Maybe looking like
a koala is hot there.

Instead, it might be better to put
an 'after' photo on your package,
rather than 'during'. However,
there's not much funny about
this one. Oh wait ...


Promises are a big thing in marketing, perhaps no more so than in cosmetics.

Here's some wrinkle remover from our good
friend Doctor Intensive, who used to be a
new wave band in the '70s when known as
Doctor Feelgood. Beside it, some ordinary
household cream to make a woman's
curves more attractive.

"Damn that Doctor Intensive! After 28 days I swear I'd
lost only 41.78 per cent of my wrinkles!"

We're not sure what "Pro Ultra-Sexy
Curve Cream" does or how it works.
But it looks like they've hit the
once mythical 139 per cent mark
in terms of making your curves
more sexy.

Or why not just fling some of your fat around for a while?

One of our beauticians can visit your home to assist ...

This could be an eye-treatment fail ...

She looks happy enough, but the wording might put some
off. "Seriation"? We know women attacking their own eye
wrinkles can't be spring chickens, but this is a word used
to describe a dating method in archeology.

And finally ladies, if all else fails, just go with the tried and trusted method: Charm him with your breasts!

Or maybe just one of them. You might have to buy two
packs of this wonder cream if you want to improve both.

Once you've charmed him, why not step out to ...

Because everyone loves a good meal and a good sweat!

Afterwards, how about a singalong at the VTK karaoke bar?

Oops. That looks kind of permanent.
Pity it wasn't a palindrome.

Sometimes the joy of Chinglish
packaging lies in being stumped.
It's easy to see the KTV sign
went up backwards, and one
can tell "seriation" was a word
someone found which was linked
to age. But I've had this box of
crackers for a month now and still
have no idea what they might
have been thinking with
"Delicacy Shannon". I've had
a look and "Shannon" is a
river and an airport in Ireland.
It's a town in Quebec. It was a
great Australian racehorse. It
was a 1960s cop show. No
mention of biscuits anywhere.
Maybe it's the name of the cow?

But one thing's for sure, for a
'fragrant crispy entry' there's
nothing like a good dose of

Here's another definition ...

GAFFER (noun). English slang term for 'boss'. Most often used by footballers to describe their coach, who should be a large, gruff man in his 50s wearing a sheepskin coat. Or else a gaffer could look like this:

She's the lovely maitre d' at a high end
 Beijing restaurant. But it appears someone
was up to mischief when they helped
translate her business card.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the big city, as the Chinese Communist Party's five-yearly National Congress kicked off today, security forces were on full alert. They could have used a sign with some recognised international symbols, like this:

No lingering - not even if you've just been

And what's more ...

Not sure I'd join a gym that needs signs like this.

Or this - "Banned Shit". Is this where
confiscated goods end up, or a toilet
that only accepts fluids?

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