The 10-stage plan of what to do if your kids get nits:
1. Don’t freak out.
2. Should you find you have already freaked out, have a nice cup of tea and lie down.
3. Don’t tell anybody. Especially don’t put it on your blog if you have one.
4. Stop scratching your head. It’s not you who’s got them. It’s just the thought of them that’s making you scratch your head.
5. Don’t try old fashioned treatments, like covering your child’s head in methylated spirits, margarine or fire.
6. Buy a special anti lice shampoo with comb and use as directed. Usually this means to apply, leave in for a while, and comb out (while cleaning comb). Repeat this after seven days.
7. By the way, you might suspect they’ve got nits if they start scratching their head all the time, a bit like that kid who visited out house that time. They’ll mostly scratch where hair grows thickest: behind the ears, at the top of the nape, and behind the fringe.
8. You can then search their hair, looking for little white eggs stuck to hair strands (they don’t shake off, like skin flakes).
9. You’ll want to make sure the intruders are gone by washing the children’s bedding, clothing, hats, teddy bears, etc. Vacuuming around the bed and sofas is good too.
10. Stop persecuting anyone you hear of with nits. You may also want to get on facebook and write an apology to any old classmates you might have scarred for life.